John Mayer wrote a song with this title. And while this has nothing to do with the song, the title resonates with me and so goes the blog….
Death and Life are in the power of the tongue. – Proverbs 18:21
Oh, what our tongues can do – make or break, lift up or bring down, words can hurt and destroy or they can heal and bring life. Choose your words wisely. They have power. But never hold back when something needs to be spoken. Say it but always with the right intent – to build up. And honesty is key. Defend and Confront others when the need arises.
As a kid, I honestly remember thinking, why is it so hard for people to just say what they feel?! Even as a little girl, I would see shows where the characters would hold back and not communicate and I would say, just tell them!! You love them, tell them! Why hold back? Or tell them what you really meant so there is no confusion. It’s OK to say how you feel, it truly is. I would get frustrated when misunderstandings would happen when all the while, words could just simply clarify the intent. That has always been my personality, transparency at its best …. and at its worst at times. The Bible says to “Be slow to speak”, which is God given truth! We can’t just blurt out anything that comes to our minds especially when it’s not encouraging or edifying. But once you pray it through and hold back in order to avoid regret, it is OK to convey what you need to. Being slow to speak does not mean never speaking. Instead, it means speaking carefully when needed. Resolution would be so much easier when we say what we need to. No, we are not always going to say the perfect things all of the time, but to convey what is in your heart, is never wrong.
Tell the people you are closest to and love the most what you need to. If I could stand on a mountaintop for the whole world to hear, I would shout out I love Jesus, I love Mark and I love Jared more than life! Be generous with your love. If you need to apologize, DO it. If you need to share your frustration or offense, DO it, and if you need to tell someone how precious they are to you, DO it! …. over and over again! Never withhold from listening to you heart and saying what’s in it.
I remember my husband Mark and his Dad getting into a strong disagreement a while back. It was NOT the best moment in their relationship but it was necessary, you know. It became a problem, not in the arguing or expression of feelings, but in the anger and silence that resulted from it. It was only for about a week but that is NOT how it is meant to be. Yes, sometimes, you need to get it out, and at times yes, you agree to disagree, but then you resolve it. I remember telling Mark “Let’s go down to your parents, you and your dad need to get this settled.” We walked (with purpose) into that living room and I smiled and said “Hi” to my father-in-law as he sat in his recliner, and then I proceeded to say to both “OK this is ridiculous, you love each other, you do not have to agree on everything, the most important thing is your love. So hug it out and end the nonsense.” Because at the end of the day, what matters? Sure as heck not the argument, but the love they have as father and son. They proceeded to do as I pleaded and hugged and talked some more but in a non defensive way. But still, they spoke what they felt. Healing and understanding takes place when words are spoken in the right spirit and with honesty. We sometimes allow things to build up and not deal at times. There are moments that need to just be let go, but when something keeps stirring you and not settling within yourself, you may need to say what you mean to say. And when you say it, mean it! Never speak idly.
My mom always used to say to me when I was offended by something or someone and was ready to want to jump down someone’s throat:
Yes, you are upset. Yes, I understand. Do not talk with that person until you wait a bit (“slow to speak”). It may subside and not need confrontation. But when you pray and wait, and if it still is lingering and stirring within you, that is when you need to confront and speak, but do it in the right spirit.
At the end of the day, be warm and loving, and say how you feel freely. Some of us are too guarded. Love with your words over and over and over again. Explain when necessary, but don’t over do it – it takes away from your sentiment. I sometimes over explain, much to my family’s dismay. Haha. I do it at the sake of being clearly understood. I never want to offend but I also want to always tell the truth, always in love. Division and unforgiveness are the devil’s playground. Let’s come together when there are issues and let healing begin. And never kid yourselves, you do not have to agree to love. Open your hearts wide and say what you mean to say. It makes all of the difference.
So in the spirit of my blog, I want to say that you are loved by an awesome God and …..
God Bless your Sweet Souls,
Happy wife and mom!
Devoted to Jesus and my family!